I'm excited about planning my camping trip. I want the flannel, the hotdogs, the boots, the tent, the whole thing. I've been camping before, but not with my sis, and not doing whatever we want. We've narrowed it down to either Sequoia National park, or somewhere in the Ozark's..

lets try this again

So I basically just typed a blog post, and then the site crashed or something while I was using Chrome.... I didn't save the post I just closed the page and opened it in Safari, I'm disappointed that I don't remember all that I wrote. I remember mentioning something about finishing my braids, watching Martin all day and sleeping till 2:00pm. Uhhhhh, I also ate my black eyed peas for luck, from now on I will save what I type until I upload the post.

it's almost 2016

Whoa I think I say this all the time, but I'm actually going to try to make an effort to blog everyday for 2016, even if it's only a sentence or something that I thought was funny, I'll write about it. I have a cool journal/diary that my sister got me for my birthday but I didn't want to start writing in it in the middle of March, I wanted to wait to start in the new year. I have a lot on my mind now, and I'm hoping for great things this year, I'm trying to stay more positive. I have a couple of goals this year.

1.) Eat more veggies
                 I know that I should and I think I can make some great recipes and this overall will           improve my health

2.) Drink more water
                 I got a cool water bottle with a fruit infuser for Christmas, so I need to make great use of it.  I already made some progress with this, but I want to eliminate all sugary drinks, so thats one of my goals.

3.) Travel More
                I made progress in 2015, but I want to travel internationally. Maybe Thailand, maybe China, maybe Spain, I'm going to make it happen in 2016

4.) Wear more makeup
                I know this is a weird one, but I've been buying a ton of makeup now, and I want to make myself look beautiful

5.) Save more
               I am horrible at saving, and to achieve some of these goals I do need money, my finances got a bit out of order in the later half of 2015. I need to fix this.

6.) I really want to read more poetry, especially African-American poetry
                This came about while I was watching Jeopardy, and there was a whole category on Black writers. I didn't know many of them. I was disappointed and felt that I'm hurting myself by not reading or knowing many of these great writers.

7.) Become more active
               I live a very sedentary life, and it's not that great, I do want to lose weight, so this goal would be beneficent to me.

8.) Become more confident
               I don't know if I need to be more confident, or just be more positive, but both would help me in 2016....sigh.

9.) Become more organized
                I really think if I learn to let go of some things this would help me stay organized, I am a messy person I know that, I'm also a very materialistic person, which leads me to acquire a lot of things. Oh and I have no storage space, it might be that I have too many things, I don't know. I need to get rid of things


Here's to 2016, as I lay in my panda pj's on the couch, drinking Starbuck's Peppermint Hot Chocolate, watching Charm School on Hulu like I'm ringing in 2007. I may update this list later, I have so many things to work on in 2016, hopefully this is my year and I can really be successful and happy.

it's been a while

Ok so it's now 2015 and I am a bit disappointed as I can not keep up with one single thing these days. Currently I'm sitting in a Starbucks typing this listening to some old school Kelly Clarkson as I wait for my doctors appointment. Let me just get this out of the way first, I don't believe people really read this anyway, I am contemplating quitting my job and starting over somewhere else. In all honesty I've always hated it but I get paid well and have health insurance and I just don't want to give those up. I of course won't quit until  I get a new job but now I am feeling overwhelmed because I don't know what to do. This was my first actually adult job and actually today is my 18 month anniversary. SAD, I dread going there everyday which proves my point that this is not the job for me. I live at home with my parents and I'm sort of happy that I didn't move out because now I'm not sure how long I will even be working, this job has literally taken every ounce of my being, I'm a broken person. I feel like i'm losing the creativeness and the desire to do anything. I feel like a void, hopefully I can get all of my medical needs taken care of because God knows without this job I would be screwed in that aspect because I'm too old to be on my parents insurance. So, while I've been here since 11am it is now almost 1:00pm I've been looking into a new career field, I feel if I don't now then I will literally be at this shit job until I'm 40 which I can't, for my mental health. I have now at the age of 27 decided that God helped me get this job and I'm just going to put it in his hands now, I'm over it, I'm not going to stress about it.

In other news my birthday is in a few weeks and I will be 28, I remember deleting my old blog and starting this one, I definitely regret deleting the first one, it is always nice to go back a few years and read how life was, I mean to me its depressing and impressive. I was disappointed with a few things and now what I would give to go back to those times. Oh and also in a bit of awkward news, my 10 year high school reunion is coming up, and I have no desire to go to that....no desire at all. I don't keep up with people from high school or college really, it's one of my defects as a human being. That was a side note,  I was speaking about my birthday for a moment, anyways me and Nisha are planning a mini road trip, well a mini foodie excursion to San Antonio during that time. I'm glad I have a nice sister, as far as my twin brother I don't know if he will even come, he doesn't bother communicating with me much lately.

I need a fresh start is it sad that I am constantly thinking of selling all of my belongings and moving out of DFW. This is also a bit of random news, I got a perm like two weeks ago so no more natural hair, I really got tired of it, and now I'm rocking an expensive sew in, which I'm getting better at taking care of. I also got a new car, well that happened almost a year ago, since I haven't been keeping up with this blog no one would even know that, it's a chevy equinox, I'm also learning Korean. A bit of my random life. I really need to figure things out. I know it's a bit late but one of my 2015 goals was to move and to have my clavicles pop, which is a weird way of me getting my physical health better, which is one of the reasons for my recent string of doctors appointments. Future posts about those if it all goes well. While I'm working on my physical health I should probably work on my mental health as well. My life is really in the shits, I also need to get rid of some things that have no attachment to me, I need to clear things out of my home and heart.

well it's the end of the year, basically

I have failed to keep this updated for another year, I've been off for the past couple of days. Thank you personal holiday's. So a quick update, I have a job working at Verizon, I bought a car (Black on black chevy impala), I'm looking for an apartment in Irving or Dallas, I'm studying for my GMAT ( getting an MBA for free thanks work)... speaking of work I now have health insurance ( I don't have a fear of getting sick) I am a real adult.

time to change

I've come to the realization that if I want certain things to happen in my life that I need to put up a large amount of effort to make them become reality. I need to push myself harder now, I'm 26 and I want things to start happening now. I also need to give more, so every time I attempt to make a purchase; I will challenge myself and ask if I really need it (in most cases that will be a big NO) and donate that money that would have gone to some frivolous thing to a charitable cause. No more spending crazy amounts of money on DVD's, shoes, clothes, bags, and random sweet confections. I also need to save money for my future anyway. I'm only drinking water from now on, no wasting money on sweet things anymore.

Is there anyone out there

Cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe.....

So ever since I've been sick (which I think has something to do with my allergies) I haven't been able to sleep at night anymore. That also wouldn't be bad if I did something productive at night. Oh the things I could/should be doing. Maybe I can organize my closet again, or write my book, or finish my TESOL class, or exercise, or meditate, or read, or get up to date on current events. Instead I watch TV, and movies that I've already seen.

I want to fall in love someday, but I fear that my other half doesn't exist. When I see couples walking together, holding hands, laughing; I just think to myself like when will that ever happen to me. Thinking about things make me feel pathetic, like I'm worthless, it makes me sad and I began to cry. My worst fears are becoming real. I am going to be alone forever. As all of my friends get married and have kids I will be alone. I will have no one to comfort me when I'm sad, to be excited when good things happen in my life (which I find never happen to me anyways) It's utterly depressing. I just want to stay buried in my bed forever. I thought moving back home would be nice, but I have nothing. I'm a prisoner in this house, I have no escape. My life is shit.